I was absolutely entranced by Morrowind as a kid, back when running it on my family’s Dell meant turning the settings all the way down and using console commands to fast travel because the computer struggled to render the game’s massive outdoor scenes at more than a single-digit frame rate. And what’s even more impressive to me is that even laden down with goblin barf, Lightning McQueen from Cars, and a poster of Larry David that takes you to a cursed dimension of darkness, Morrowind is still better than most video games. I’m not sure if the creator made all of the assets and systems in the mod, but it’s still an impressive achievement regardless. It’s a lot of fun to just wander around this world, taking in the madness. Some only become obvious over time, like the fully-functional weed-smoking system, the characters from the original game given new roles and dialogue, the loot crates containing items like Warcraft III‘s Frostmourne and Vash the Stampede’s trench coat from Trigun. Some are noticeable right from the start - I selected the “Blessing of Corporate” as one of my character perks, which gave me the guidance of a young Todd Howard rather than a more traditional Elder Scrolls deity. The mod adds a staggering number of changes to the game, large and small.
I’m playing the Tribunal Code Patch, a deceptively-titled mod for The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. Ten minutes later, I wander into a building named “House of 1000 Scamps” and am greeted by so many of the gremlin-like creatures that I can barely move.
Some Cheetos wouldn’t be a bad idea either. Low health, better slam an Estus Flask real quick.
As Vivec, the poet god-king of Morrowind finally falls under repeated fire from Samus Aran’s arm cannon, I take stock.
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